Escaping To Find

When I was young, I used to run away. I had nothing to run from, or no where to run to. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods and corn fields. Running away seemed like a romantic and adventurous thing to do.  I would pack a bag and leave...straight into the corn field. I would go as far as I thought running away might look like. Which wasn't far. My dogs would follow me, which just frustrated me because they made the corn move and I thought it would give me away. I would sit in a row and think about how brave I was venturing out on my own like that. Then I would look for arrowheads and maybe find a piece of one. And if I did, I would run hard back home to show my dad my treasure because we hunted for arrowheads together. So my running away never lasted long. But to me it felt like freedom.

I still run away. I did it today. Probably for some of the same reasons I did when I was little, but also because I strangely need to be away from all that feels safe. Being solitary and feeling small is a yearning I have often. To disappear into the world without the comfort of predictability or the assurance of protection. I crave that sometimes.  

I went to my sacred place of escape today to run and remember important things. I only got about 2 miles into my run when the strained hamstring from my race last weekend reared its ugly head and forced me to hike it. Feeling pretty low and disappointed for a number of reasons I asked The Lord to give me something good to hang onto today.

As I hobbled along, I was awakened to the beauty of this day. I felt like I had the privilege of soaking in every small gift.

 I found sweet spots of green moss, aching to wake up.

I found my old friends, dirt and mud, who I often thought about all winter

...sleeping underneath layers of ice and snow. 

I was waved on by a grove of old pines, who seemed as creeky as me after such a long winter.

I heard the flow of stream water. I felt the sun on my neck. 

 

I had a long walk to reflect on how amazing it is when I am alone to notice tiny gifts that are enormous enough to change the course of my day. The sweetness of these moments in time that God is giving to remember tender things, to choose joy over discouragement and see the beauty that He is awakening in creation every single day.  This is hope. 

"When doubts fill my mind, Your comfort gives me renewed hope and cheer."  Psalm 94:19 

So, after I ran away today, I ran back to my heavenly Father to show Him my treasures.  

He is the one who taught me to find them.  And how thankful I am for the solitude to let them soak in.